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40 Plus and What Does Life Have To Offer?

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Published: 23 May 2013      

Does your life seem hard and a bit of a struggle? What is your experience of your day? Do you feel  your life is a struggle? Does life feel as though it is hard work, that at times more of a drag? Are you just getting through each day? Do you dream of a life transformation?

Here is a way to change it!

If that is your experience of your day, I would love to know where your thinking is focussed.

Are you focussing on what you have to do next, as well as the rest of your never ending to do list? Or are you focussing on the anxieties about things that might happen, or perhaps on past experiences and what those past experiences mean about what you can and can’t do or what you are capable of?

Change Your Thinking to Change Your Life

You see the wonderful thing is, that your experience of life, can get better and better simply by learning to change how you think. As you learn to change where you place your focus you can completely transform your life, with remarkable benefits for your health, happiness and effectiveness.

If you struggle with changing your habits of any sort and find that there are many times that you have set out to make changes and then found yourself back, running the unwanted patterns, leaving you feeling that you just can’t change, have faith, it is not true.

People often expect behaviour change to be easy, nearly spontaneous simply because they want to do it. But they get easily disheartened when they find that it isn’t easy and that lasting change doesn’t happen immediately simply because they want it and they’ve tried a few times.

Every single one of us can and have experienced the immediate benefit of swapping negative for positive patterns. We can go on inspiring weekends, have a single coaching session and come away buzzing. Yet, imperceptibly the buzz fades, and the old ways return.

So, you know you can experience and try on a new behaviour and feel so much better. 

Changing Old Behaviours for New

Now to understand the process of getting your new behaviour to stick requires some understanding of how your old behaviours came to be. Consider this, from birth onwards, you have been shaped, encouraged and responded to as others have seen fit. You have been encouraged to be good (as others have decided), to be polite, to be a good reflection on your parents, to behave in ways that will get you to be liked by others (who are or have been, also, shaped by other’s values), to do well at school, to get a job to last your working life, to fit in at work and in society, to find a partner and to have children. 

So much shaping and cajoling, years and years of encouragement to fit in, to please others, to help everyone else feel that all is well with ‘their’ definition of the world. You learned and copied patterns of behaviour and ways of making sense of your world during your childhood, adolescent and early adult years with enormous amounts of support, some of which are likely to be causing you to feel stuck, trapped and not knowing what to do next. This is particularly true for women.

If you stop for a moment and consider, how much work went in over many years to develop the patterns that you are now wanting to step away from? Does it surprise you that learning a new behaviour to replace any of these longstanding unchallenged patterns is unlikely to happen in a lasting fashion, in just a moment?

So now admire the efforts you have made, for recognising that you can and want to change, and for the successes, even if as yet not permanent, that you have made.

Breaking Old Behaviour Patterns

Also, you may now see why making the change that you want to, is not so easy with the ‘support’ of others who have been part of your continued old patterns. That is why the support of others who have already made the journey to new pastures is vital. Find those who have already made the changes to be who they really are and want to be, rather than those who have continued to be as others are comfortable for them to be. All of the great successful leaders in thought and business say exactly this, find and mix with those who are already where you want to be, not those who are where you are and have been, because you now need new models to copy and to learn from. 

What Motivation will Bring Change?

Be hugely motivated to make change. Your motivation to make any change needs to be 9-10 out of 10.  Anything less is not enough ( If you struggle with getting to 9+/10 then you most certainly do need the help of someone skilled to uncover your unconscious blocks to change.)

You need to know what making the change will get you, how you will feel for having made that change and then live that feeling and that new behaviour now and every day. Anything less is not enough.

Remember that you are working to replace old default-setting behaviours, behaviours that will always fill the gap that is left when you are not focussing on and practicing your desired behaviours. So you must want the change a lot, be prepared to get back on track multitudes of times, as quickly as you realise that you have fallen off track. The more you do this, the easier it will become, until it is what you do naturally.  Then as you incorporate one new behaviour, you will find that it is easier to learn other new desired behaviours. One more fabulous aspect of learning new behaviours (and this does include how you think) is that you will be growing new neurones and establishing new pathways in your brain.  As you keep learning new things you can keep growing new neurones, right to the end of a very long life.

Clara Gibson M.Sc, ACC ICF, Master practitioner of NLP,  has been working with women for decades helping them to make the changes that they want to make to be themselves, and to be healthy, happy and really effective.

Contact her for a FREE 30 minute telephone consultation and find out if coaching with her could help you to make the changes you want in your life. 

Clara Gibson M.Sc, ACC ICF, Master practitioner of NLP